she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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