she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize