Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
