I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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