Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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