I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i believe in u and ur pee
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
