Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Holy sore nipples Batman
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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