By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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