i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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