i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
