i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
