Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
