Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
