There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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