dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
