I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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