You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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