I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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