ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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