After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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