I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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