he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
