Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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