Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
