you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
