oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
