Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need water and some morals
Randomize
