you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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