he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
