Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
