My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
