Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
