Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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