Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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