It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Come on in and take your pants off
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
