Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
