dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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