speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
In America we eat man semen.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
