in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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