so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just high enough for therapy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
