Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
