i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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