I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
