we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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