She announced her abortion via fbk
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
