I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
