you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
