My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
