i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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