I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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