meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
