I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
