pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
