Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
