Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
