I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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