So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
