I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
