but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
