You made me cry and you don't even care
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
