i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
