i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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