Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
