No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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