Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
