what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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