gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...