Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
