Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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