her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
