I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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