We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
