When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Alive.
So much puke
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
