I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize