Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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